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The very fact that you are reading this tells me that you are the atypical web-surfing loser with little-to-no IQ, manhood or self-esteem. But since you are, prepare to be misused and abused as I tell you what every single girl REALLY thinks about your tiny teaser.

Yes, there is a freak show at your local circus but, my poor little tater-tot having self, they wouldn't even take you. And I heard what the last girl said about you-you know, the "crying" and how she thought it was a cigarette. Yeah, I don't blame you. I'll take care of you though, It makes sense considering how cruelly your downstairs architecture comes up SHORT.

The terrifying truth is that there is NOTHING that you can do about it but grovel as I tell you how unsatisfying you will ALWAYS be. You will probably never have what it takes to satiate the true desires of even the most petite and quiet of girls. Not now. Not before. Not ever.

You will never see a woman's face as she reaches climax. A sad little life you lead. And the best part is, you are going to willingly show appreciation to me until I dehydrate you of your tears. You have to wonder, even with corrective surgery, how much could you really add to a tiny baby-carrot? Not enough, you scab-licker. But at least you can sulk and soak in your dehumanizing efforts to becoming a man with yours truly.